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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Solitude

Back when the kids and I were living on our own, I used to watch the clock until it was their bedtime. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy talking with them or playing games with them, I did, sometimes. As a single working mom, I would get home from work and make dinner. Following our meal there were dishes to do, I did them while the kids finished their homework. Laundry would be done most nights immediately following the dishes and a little arguing often was involved. Oh, you know, “Where are your dirty clothes? I’m going to wash clothes, is there anything you want to bring down from your room?”  That doesn’t sound like arguing to you? Oh, I will fill you in then.  Those are the questions I would pose while doing the dishes and they would be about 5 feet away. Their responses would nearly always be, “No, nothing. Mine are all down here. I brought mine down this morning,” or similar things to that. No one ever ignored me or got up to go get something, EVER.  I don’t even know why I bothered to ask these angels such ridiculous questions. Such a silly mom!

So the laundry would get done, folded and laid on the stairs for them to carry up when they went again. On the fourth trip up, I would say something like, “Wanna take those clothes?” That question would float into the air, apparently unheard by anyone other than the speaker. (This would eventually lead to my loudly suggesting they get theirs lazy butts back down here and pick those clothes up or I would be tossing them in the garbage in 5-4-3-2-1 damned minute!)

At bedtime, not a moment before, one would say, “I need my navy pants tomorrow for band.” Or some other piece of clothing for some other activity. “I can’t find them!  Moooooooooooom!  I can’t find my navy pants (or whatever)! Where ARE they (or it)?”

I would take a deep breathe and say, “I didn’t wear them (or it) so I don’t know.”  Sarcastic, you say?  Yes, I am.

“OH, NO! THEY’RE (OR IT’S) DIRTY!  MOOOOOOOOOOOM?  CAN YOU WASH THEM?”

Well, of course, I CAN, but I’m not going to. “No, I am done washing for the day.  You may put them (or it) in to wash and in the morning put them (or it) in the dryer while you shower. That is why I ask you every night to bring me your damned dirty clothes!”  My voice may have raised a few octaves while making my point.

Did you notice the slight arguing there? Repeated several times a week, it’s memorable for me. 

That is why I watched the clock.  They would go to bed and I would have it.  I would have SOLITUDE.  Me, alone with myself time. Time to think about me and my life. My life was making a living for my babies and me. Paying bills and trying to find a little extra cash here and there for some fun things. It was far from an easy life, but it was a good life.

Yep, they drove me nuts with their irresponsible behavior and their inability to see what needed to be done around our house. I wished day and night that they would, just one time, pick up something BEFORE I asked or shouted at them to do just that. I hoped they would make good decisions and was often disappointed with their choices. BUT they were my purpose. I lived for these little people and I prayed that I would be able to mold them, just a bit, into independent and confident adults.

We all look back at our “No, we cannot afford that~who do you think I am, a Rockefeller?” days as some of our best ones.  We did a lot of simple things. Things we did, we did together as a family. I saved a few dollars here and there until we could go to Detroit to see the Tigers. It was our favorite ‘get away’ and it was always a big deal day.  On the way to the park I would always remind them that we could each have one hot dog and one coke.   Or peanuts instead of the hot dog. I was always too full to eat a hot dog, but peanuts could be shared, so I opted for those. They knew and understood our limited budget. Maybe I shared too much, but they knew what was realistic for us and they accepted it without much whining. We all loved that day at the ball park and I managed one every summer while I was single. 

I remember the solitude of the later night very well and in fact, I have never given that up.  I am now married nearly 30 years and the chitlins are long grown and raising their own fams , yet I still love my solitude and probably will always.  My alone time to write, read, watch TV, nap, play games, browse the internet, knit or even just sit outside and enjoy.

The most perfect solitude for me, sitting by the pool with a nearby umbrella just inhaling summer in Michigan. I try to fill my body with summer heat, sun and green plush grass so that I won’t be too horrid in the winter white of the usual Michigan winter.  It never really works, I miss summer the very first moment I feel fall in the air.  But my solitude is still mine and still very precious.

Jo


32 comments:

  1. I share your love of solitude. It seems no matter how many times I tell my daughter to make sure her dirty clothes hit the laundry basket, they still end up on her bedroom floor. She is oblivious. She is great about doing a load of laundry or folding it, but getting her own stuff in the basket forget it. My son is the opposite. It must be a mom thing to feel like a broken record. The little darlings can certainly drive a person to drink. LOL I love taking a look into your life. Every one needs a little solitude to balance out the insanity. :D Great blog my friend!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

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    1. Sometimes it takes a lot solitude to balance out the insanity! lol But these days, I just like being alone a lot of the time. I like being with people, too, I wouldn't really want all of one or the other.

      Glad you enjoyed this one. Those munchkins really grew up well. I think in spite of me, but it doesn't matter. :)

      Thank you Kathy. ♥

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  2. This is so true life. I love it and I too love my times of solitude. I think we have to be comfortable in our own company before we can be good company to others. ♥♥♥

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    1. I agree with that. ♥ Thanks so much for reading. :)

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  3. Jo, I love people,especially love my friends and family. However, I also enjoy my own company and must have some alone time, which usually means that even now I stay up when everyone else goes to bed.Not lonely just alone with me for a while. Great story. Velda

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    1. You know that we are very much alike in this way. Gotta have time with my friends and family but I also just crave the down time. Thanks V, ♥ ya.

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  4. I know this about you, as I'm sure you know it about me. It is, I think, a family trait. Barb and I were talking about this very thing just a couple of days ago. And Mom and I had a similar discussion while you were in Nashville.
    I liked this one. The part where you talk about after the kids went to bed is so familiar. When the girls were small, after they went to bed, I would sit with a book, a blanket and a cup of tea and just enjoy the quiet and the solitude.
    Good one, Sis!

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    1. Thanks for commenting sis...It is def a family thing. I used to say after the kids go to bed is my time to be, just be. :) ♥ you lots. Thank you again and I'm glad you liked it.

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  5. Jo, thank you for sharing and boy, oh boy...can I relate! I too, love my children, but when they are all tucked away for the night, it is a glorious feeling to be with "me." Very nice post, Jo!

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    1. I cannot even imagine how nice that must be for you! Thank you so much. ♥

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  6. somehow I deleted your comment on Jane's story...sorry. I meant to respond. I'm such a dork about this stuff and somehow, I work in the IT Dept. if you can believe that!

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    1. LOL...not a problem. I went back and left an different comment to add! Too funny.

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  7. OK...I stopped to read your post after getting my apology out there. What a great post...I found myself laughing at your description of repeating and arguing with the kiddos. I guess the clothes all over the floor are a universal trait of kids. My 11 year old comes home from soccer and somehow manages to leave more clothes lying about the house than he was wearing...it's truly amazing! Thanks!

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    1. It always amazed me how they made dirty clothes multiply like that! I guess it's kid magic.
      Thanks for comin' back by and sharing with me. I think you and I are gonna be good friends! :)

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  8. I don't know if I can call anytime I have "solitude" having my wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) 5 children--but I do get my down-time. Usually at night, while I'm working and they are sleeping. Sometimes it is just a few minutes in the morning after they leave on the bus and before I get my older daughter up for homeschool. But honestly--there is only so much solitude or downtime I can take before I miss them terribly. I know, I know. Right now they are my whole life--I don't like to imagine the day they will grow up and move away. Cheers, Jenn.

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    1. I loved our empty nest immediately! I will say now that they have all moved away, away, not in the immediate neighborhood, I am not so pleased.
      I really miss seeing my grand babies regularly, but actually everyone is so busy with their full time jobs and over activities and living more than half an hour away, it's really hard to hang often enough.

      I raised those independent people I was trying to raise and now...well, it's good, but I do miss them.

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  9. I love your all-too-familiar description of (for want of a better word) the clothing wars. I,too, cherish my solitude -- writing, reading, doing crossword puzzles, even shopping online for things I can't afford. Though I adore having my grandsons visit, if the visits take up most of a day, I find myself longing for some "alone time."

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    1. I don't see our grands nearly enough to wish the day was over, but I love the time I have with them.

      I can still hear some of those arguments when I visit my kids homes, except this time, I'm just listening! Can you say, "Karma"? LOL

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  10. Oh how I relate to the love of solitude - at the end of the day, to turn off all the ringing phones, ignoring texts, emails, and people who all need something - that time alone, curled up with a book or writing - priceless time.

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    1. I couldn't agree more. The quiet when I get up and the quiet when the day is nearly done. My two favorite times of the day.
      I am glad it isn't 24/7 like that, though. I need my people fix, too! LOL

      ♥ Oh I do want it all.

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  11. I always yearned for solitude whilst my kids were growing, but when they were grown, half of them flown, I began to realise what I actually wanted was the best of both worlds. I wanted to have absolute solitude when I wanted it, but I also needed that hum of activity that four kids and a constant flow of their friends had always provided. Now I find myself retreating to my room, to write, to read and I'm struggling to find the balance again. It's good to read the experiences of other people to make me feel a little less alone... in splendid solitude which I still enjoy!

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    1. I used to look for times to spend alone when the kids were little and then when I married my Roomy it got even more difficult because though we had more kids and they went to bed fairly early, HE was there! LOL Now, understand that I love this man, but I needed my me time and it took a little while for him to get that. Now, it's just a given, he has his alone time and I have mine.
      This is a good life. ♥

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  12. Jo, I have a question to ask....when you did your counting to ten....did you ever reach the number ten?

    I never got that far myself...I went from 9....9 3/4.....9 1/2 and slowly down the list until they got off their butts just before I counted to 10.;)

    Love this article that sounds so much like me.

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    1. I wasn't a counter like that. I counted backwards from 5 to 1...when I reached one, something not good would happen! I reached one a couple of times, just enough for them to know that I would DO what I was threatening. One time I went through the house and tossed out everything that wasn't where it belonged into a trash bag and put it to the road. It was garbage pick up day. They really didn't believe I would do that. But I only had to do it once.

      I was a mom of my word! LOL

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  13. I'm greedy... I start and end my day with solitary time. I need it!

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  14. Ahhhh...that lovely alone time. Alone to do whatever you want. Sounds like you had that and then some!

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    1. yep I did. I still do, I just have to have it, ♥

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  15. Nice sharing of moments Jo. I think we enjoy looking back on the times when there was so much going on that we looked forward to those "solitude" moments, is partly because we are so busy doing, that we relish the "being" moments. I love the tapes that play in my head that remind me to smile... there are many!

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    1. I agree. I love remembering my crazy house back in the day. I also love knowing we had lots of time as a family to enjoy what we did have, each other. ♥

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  16. Solitude is one of my favorite things and I cherish it even though I get plenty of it living alone.

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    1. AMEN sista. I need it. I have it. I love it. ♥

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